What comes to your mind when you think of the word forgiveness? Forgetting? No more
pain? No more anger? Letting bygones be bygones? Letting someone off the hook? Unfairness?
Injustice? 
       Let me say at the start that I believe forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood concepts
of our lives. Many believe that forgiveness requires us to unconditionally release others from past
wrongs. They assume that we have to forgive in order to love. Others have adopted the "I forgive
you for my own sake" attitude that advocates forgiveness as a means of releasing ourselves from the
bitterness and the fire of anger. In many different ways, forgiveness is therefore seen as an
unconditional offering of pardon that says, "No matter what you have done to me, I forgive you." 
      The results of unconditional forgiveness, however, are not as positive as many believe. One
shudders to think of a wife offering forgiveness to an unrepentant alcoholic husband who has
privately beaten her and publicly humiliated her. Is such forgiveness the kind of love her husband
needs? Is it in his best interest for her to release him from accountability for these violations of their
marital vows? 
      I like to believe the Word of God teaches that whether or not we should forgive depends on
our answer to one question, "What does Christlike love require?" The answer, in turn, depends on
the circumstances in which we are asking the question. Sometimes love requires us to say, "Father,
forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk. 23:34). Sometimes love requires us to forgive
over and over (Mt. 18:21-22). And sometimes love requires us to withhold forgiveness for the sake
of the one who has harmed us.
      Throughout the Bible, forgiveness carries the idea of "release," "sending away," or "letting
go." The Greek word often translated "forgiveness" was used to indicate release from an office,
marriage, obligation, debt, or punishment. The idea of a debt or something owed is inherent to the
concept of forgiveness.
      In biblical terms, therefore, forgiveness is the loving, voluntary cancellation of a debt. It is
the kind of release Jesus spoke of when at Simon the Pharisee's house, He likened forgiveness to the
cancellation of a financial obligation (Lk. 7:36-47). While having dinner there, Jesus was visited by a
broken, repentant prostitute. Her emotions were uninhibited. Expressing deep affection for the Lord,
she washed His feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, kissed them, and poured an expensive
perfume on them (vv.37-38). Luke says that Simon was incensed and thought within himself that if
Jesus were a prophet, He would know what kind of woman was touching Him. 
      In response to Simon's reaction, Jesus told the following story: "'There was a certain creditor
who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii [1 1/2 year's wages], and the other fifty [2
month's wages]. And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell
Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?' Simon answered and said, 'I suppose the one
whom he forgave more.' And He said to him, 'You have rightly judged'" (vv.41-43). 
      The point is that sin incurs a debt that must be canceled or forgiven. The more aware we are
of how much we've been forgiven, the more love we will have toward the one who cancels the debt. 
In Luke 17:3-4, Jesus gave His disciples a pattern for forgiving those who sinned against
them. He said, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he
sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you
shall forgive him" (vv.3-4). 
       What is the offense or sin committed against us that Jesus told us to respond to? While He
was not specific, we must remember that sin can be defined as any failure to love. On another
occasion, Jesus summed up our entire obligation to God and to one another as a debt of love (Mt.
22:37-40). Paul did the same when he said, "Owe no one anything except to love one another"
(Rom. 13:8). 
       If we were to identify the sin of Luke 17:3-4 as any violation of love, however, that would
raise questions. Was Jesus teaching us to confront one another for every failure to love? Or was He
teaching us to deal with violations of love which, if not dealt with, would damage the relationship
and cause us to become uncaring about the interests of the offending party? If our understanding of 
patient, Christlike love tells us that Jesus was speaking of significant offenses, we need to be careful 
that we do not close our eyes to sins that are more serious than we want to believe. By nature, we 
all have an unlimited capacity for rationalization. We all are inclined to minimize the impact that 
everyday offenses have on ourselves and our relationships.  Denial of pain is a common form of 
self-deception. We pretend things really don't hurt that much, or we tell ourselves that we are just 
being too sensitive. A small crack begins and steadily widens to the point that there is no real 
closeness. We then continue the charade by simply saying, "Oh well, people change." We miss 
an opportunity to experience the joy of honest love, forgiveness,and reconciliation. 
       Sin is an ongoing problem that erodes the trust and closeness for which we were made.
Forgiveness, therefore, is an ongoing necessity for dealing with our sins against one another. Not
only do we need to forgive, but we ourselves need to be forgiven by those we have harmed.
After having felt the sting of an offense, a wounded person has a responsibility to act. Jesus
said, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him" (Lk. 17:3). Since this word rebuke sounds harsh,
we need to remember that everything Jesus taught must be understood according to the principle and
motive of godly love. The rebuke He was calling for will therefore be in the best interest of the one
who has harmed us.
       One meaning of the Greek word Jesus used for rebuke was "to honor," or "to give due
weight or value." Such usage shows why the same word could be used in the sense of "to reprove,
rebuke, admonish, or sharply censure." To hold people accountable for their actions is a way of
honoring them. It shows that they are important enough for us to take their actions seriously. 
From the beginning, however, we should keep in mind that the deciding question must be,
"What does Christlike love require?" At times, a direct rebuke is not called for. Sometimes we can
pray as our Savior did on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk.
23:34; see also Acts 7:60). Such love can "cover a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8) that are beyond the
capacity of the offender to understand at the moment. This is often true of little children, of the
spiritually immature, or of those who aren’t in the truth. Again, however, we must be careful that our
mercy is in the best interest of the other party and not merely a self-deceiving effort to avoid
confrontation. 
        If loving confrontation is called for, it can be gentle. The rebuke Jesus called for will
sometimes require no more than a knowing look or a loving touch. On other occasions, a simple
question like, "Do you know how that makes me feel?" or a statement like, "You mean too much to
me to overlook what you did,"may be the only necessary rebuke.
       But sometimes the nature of the offense and the attitude of the offender require a more direct
response like, "I need to let you know how much you have hurt me." 
Sometimes the confrontation escalates but nothing is worse for the offender than to be
allowed to go on in his sin unchallenged and uncared for until led to the judgment. 
The Scriptures give examples of the many different kinds of rebukes that are needed. There is
the example of Nathan who found a creative way of confronting King David with sins of adultery and
murder (2 Sam. 12:1-14). There is also the example of Christ who, with a gentle word, let His friend
Martha know that she was so obsessed with trying to be a good hostess that she had no time for
Him. Who could doubt the tender love of the Teacher who said, "Martha, Martha, you are worried
and troubled about many things" (Lk. 10:41-42).
        Whether the confrontation is tough or tender, we must always be careful. Loving rebukes
should not be handed out easily nor quickly. Some people delight in "putting others in their place."
That is not what Jesus advocated. A thoughtful rebuke must be well-timed and tailored to fit
the needs of the individual. A wise person should be able to rightly interpret it as a gift of love that is
intended to build up rather than to tear down (Eph. 4:29) 
       The purpose of giving a loving rebuke deserves careful thought. It should be offered with the
desire to bring offenders to an awareness of their sin so that they have an opportunity to understand
clearly what they have done, take responsibility for it, and change their course of action by looking
inside at the internal beliefs that have prompted their behavior. 
       A willingness to be lovingly honest with someone who has wronged us takes wisdom and
courage. It takes wisdom to know when to speak up and when to keep quiet. It takes courage
because there is no way to predict what the outcome will be. Sometimes all of the best efforts to
show love are met with the worst expressions of anger, denial, and avoidance. 
Since there are no promises about how a confrontation will turn out, the need for courage
can be a practical obstacle to our obedience to Christ. Yet in Luke 17 Jesus also spoke to our fears.
He assured us that God Himself would enable us to be obedient if only we would give Him the
smallest amount of faith. 
      Jesus assured His disciples of this God-given power in an unusual way. When they expressed
wonder at what He was telling them about rebukes and forgiveness, pointing to a mulberry tree, He
told them that with faith the size of a mustard seed, they could speak the well-rooted tree out of the
ground (17:6). Then He went on to tell them that the role of servants is to do what they are told to
do (Lk. 17:7-10). 
      The interpretation of our Lord's words depends on an understanding of faith. Christlike faith
isn't defined as believing whatever we want to believe. It is believing what God has said. If God says
He wants a tree to uproot itself, only the smallest amount of faith on our part will be necessary to see
it happen. God's power will do the job. But in Luke 17:1-10, Jesus was not telling us that God's
power stands behind us to move trees. He was telling us that God stands behind us to enable us to
walk through the difficult, frightening process of forgiving. 
      But let's not get ahead of ourselves. While it is important to remind one another that God can
enable us to do whatever it takes to confront and forgive, it is just as important to see that Jesus
made repentance a prior condition of forgiveness.
       Jesus didn't teach unconditional forgiveness in Luke 17. He said, "If your brother sins
against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a
day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him" (vv.3-4). 
To repent means "to change one's mind." In and of itself, repentance does not mean to
overcome sin and make it history. Repentance refers specifically to the change of heart and mind that
is necessary for a real change of behavior to take place. 
       Such repentance is essential to Christ's pattern of forgiveness. He makes it clear that those
who sin against us must be brought to the place where their failure to love is admitted. 
While offenders cannot unspill the milk, they can help clean up the mess they have made.
They can admit their wrong and then offer evidence that their repentance is real. When we offend
others, we can admit our wrong, and do what we can to make restitution. We can help those we've
hurt by assuring them that we had no excuse for what we did. 
        While it is impossible at times to know whether repentance is real, we can look for evidence.
We can expect a truly repentant person to confess the wrong, offer no excuses for his sin, humbly
plead for mercy, and quietly accept the consequences. That was the response of King David, the man
after God's own heart who received forgiveness from God but paid an awful price in the death of his
son, family discord, and national turmoil (2 Sam. 12:13-23). 
         In forgiving us, God Himself does not suspend the natural law of "sowing and reaping." In
Galatians 6, Paul wrote, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he
will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the
Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life"(vv.7-8). 
        God does not forgive so that all consequences of our sin can be removed. He forgives so that
we can enjoy His loving acceptance of us. He forgives to offer a relationship in spite of the losses
incurred by our sin. He removes our guilt and shame, but not all of the scars and consequences that
we must live with.
         When there has been a mends and things are made right through repentance and forgiveness,
there is a wonderful moment of release that words cannot describe. 
         Most of us have felt moments of tension in a relationship with a friend or family member.
Moments that felt so thick the air could be cut with a knife. In many cases, the issue was not what
we would think of as an unforgivable sin. Yet even in the daily pains and problems of relationships,
confession, forgiveness, and restoration can be a wonderful source of renewal and joy. 
Restoration in our human relationships gives us a finite taste of the joy God experiences
when we in repentance come to Him admitting our sin. After all, God loves to forgive. Love fuels
His longing to forgive, just as it also motivates His willingness to make an issue out of sin. It is that
kind of love Nehemiah wrote about when he prayed: 
        "They refused to obey, and they were not mindful of Your wonders that You did among them.
          But they hardened their necks, and in their rebellion they appointed a leader to return to their
          bondage. But You are God, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abundant in
          kindness, and did not forsake them" (Neh. 9:17).
       The message of the gospel is forgiveness that leads to reconciliation--the restoration of the
broken relationship between God and man. We who were at one time far from God and living in
opposition to Him have been brought near to enjoy a restored relationship with Him (Rom. 5:8-11;
Col. 2:12-19). 
        A high price is required from both sides involved in the forgiving process. The prime example
of the high cost of forgiveness was what God paid to extend forgiveness to each of us--He gave His
Son for our offense. The Just One was executed for the unjust (1 Pet. 3:18). 
For the offended, the cost is relinquishing the demand to seek revenge now (Rom. 12:17-21),
canceling the debt owed, and seeking the restoration of the repentant person. 
        For the offender, the cost involves humble confession and repentance, refusal to hide what
one did, taking ownership for what was done, accepting full responsibility for one's actions and the
consequences of those actions, making restitution where possible, refusal to make excuses, and
brokenness that pleads for mercy and receives grace with gratefulness. 
       While the cost of forgiveness is high for both the offended and the offender, the price is well
worth the joy of restoration and the release that comes because of the renewed closeness. 
Forgiveness is not a once-for-all event. It is a continual process of canceling the debts of
those who fail us again and again and again. Remember Luke 17? There Jesus told His disciples that
if a brother sins against them seven times in a day, and seven times in a day repents, they were to
forgive him. 
        Some might assume that what is important about this passage is that Jesus makes seven the
greatest number of times we should have to forgive in a day. Ceiling numbers are not the issue. Jesus
was teaching a principle of unlimited forgiveness. When Peter on another occasion asked, "'Lord,
how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him,
'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven'" (Mt. 18:21-22). The process
is unending. 
         To deal with a painful situation that we are powerless to change, we often pretend as though
it didn't happen, that it wasn't all that important, or that it wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time. We
say, "It really wasn't a big deal, so there's nothing to forgive." There are many ways of minimizing
offenses: "That's just the way Uncle Bill is. He really didn't mean it. You don't need to forgive him
for that. Just accept him for who he is." "Don't take things so seriously. You're just too sensitive."
"Don't expect so much of people." By such reduced expectations, forgiveness is viewed as an
emergency tool taken out of our toolbox only on severe occasions, but certainly not on a regular
basis. 
         Admittedly, some go too far in the other direction. They seem unable to let go of even the
smallest offenses and feel they must always confront everything. That too is an obstacle to a healthy
view of forgiveness. We must struggle to strike a balance between the destructive extremes of always
or never confronting sin. Preoccupation with personal safety is the basis of both extremes. 
Many believe that to forgive means to forget. They are likely to quote Jeremiah 31:34, which
quotes God as saying, "I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more." The
resulting logic is, "When God forgives us He actually erases our sins from His memory." On that
basis such persons reason, "We are to forgive one another the way God forgives us. Since He has
forgotten our offenses against Him, we too will forget when we have truly forgiven." 
        God, however, does not forget sin when He forgives it. From eternity to eternity He is the
allknowing One. He is the Author of Scripture, who breathed into the Bible a record of David's sin
after he had been forgiven. The same is true of Adam, Abraham, Moses, Paul, Peter, and the rest of
the forgiven people of the Bible. 
        God is not seen as loving because He chooses to forget forgiven sin but because He chooses
not to hold it against us. That is what the psalmist desired when he said, "Oh, do not remember
former iniquities against us! Let Your tender mercies come speedily to meet us, for we have been
brought very low" (Ps. 79:8). 
        God remembers that Rahab was a harlot, that David was an adulterer, that Moses was a
murderer, that Abraham was a liar, that Paul killed Christians, and that Peter denied his Savior. He
remembers their sins--not to shame them but to tell us the truth about those whom He loves to
forgive and restore to Himself. 
       The "forgive and forget" approach to forgiveness is an attempt to find a way to escape the
hurt of the past. But it is based on a wrong assumption. God does not teach us to forget, but rather
not to hold sins against one another. By His example, and by the help of His Spirit, He enables us to
lovingly forgive even those wrongs we remember. 
        Many in our day have satisfied their legitimate longing for peace by adopting an
unconditional approach to forgiveness. Forgiving for your own sake does relieve feelings of rage and
bitterness. It does allow us to release ourselves from the bitter emotions of revenge. It does allow us
to treat those who have harmed us in a manner that seems Christlike. But on closer inspection it is a
Trojan horse that threatens to undermine the loving forgiveness taught in the Bible. The danger is
that it changes forgiveness from an expression of love to a self-centered act of self-protection. 
But doesn't God unconditionally forgive us? No. When He gives us the initial forgiveness in
salvation, He does so on the basis of our repentance. He forgives us when we stop believing that we
can take care of ourselves, and when we begin believing that Christ alone can save us by His own
sacrifice and life. 
         The same is true of family forgiveness that comes into play once we become God's children.
John makes it clear that God does not unconditionally release His sinning children from responsibility
for their choices. He wrote, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and
to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 Jn. 1:9). 
         While it is necessary for us to love in order to show Christlike forgiveness, it is not necessary
to forgive in order to show Christlike love. The answer is not to forgive unconditionally, but to ask
the question, "What does love require?"--love for God and love for those who have offended.

An Exhortation given by: 
Bro. Sol L. Gorrell
April 8, 2001
Westville, Indiana Ecclesia