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Jeff VanGoethem |
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I am frequently asked about raising children, particularly
about their spiritual development. I do not profess to be a total expert on this - I am still learning things every day. But I have been a careful observer of these matters over the last twenty years so I do have some suggestions. We all want our children to know Christ, to fear (reverence) God and to ultimately live a life of obedience to God's Word. I believe the key in all of this is to inculcate an attitude of respect and reverence for God early in their lives. And that is a big job. Developmentally, it takes a child many years to grasp the greatness, power, sovereignty, and majesty of God. But we can get a head start by teaching our children that God is important. How can we do this? How should we teach and train our children to reverence God and obey His Word? Well, obviously we have to teach them what God's Word says, which is very important. But we also have to realize that such teaching is more effectively "caught" than "taught." That speaks to how we parents live and lead our children. Here are some things Karen and I have tried to follow through on through the years to help reinforce the importance of God and His claim on our children's lives. We do not claim originality on these - most of what we have done we have learned from others who have been a godly example to us. I do not know how successful and consistent we have been over the years but these are goals we have sought to fulfill. I commend them to you. Participation in church activities is an expectation not an option. Church activities, which we participate in or which are designed for our children, have always been an expectation for our children. This starts with the nursery and extends all the way through the teen years. We never have let our children whine or weasel their way out of church participation - it is simply an expectation, like schoolwork or brushing teeth. We make whatever sacrifices we must to permit their participation. Participation in church activities sets a tone that our faith is what matters and we are going to be faithful to God. And also, we expect that they will enjoy their church activities. We have never had much tolerance for bad attitudes or complaining. As parents we have to frequently address not only the actions, but the attitudes of our children. It will not kill children to learn to discipline themselves to experience something of value even if it is not the most exciting thing in the world. Our children's schedule revolves around the life of the church. Sports, homework, school activities, trips, etc. all have had a part in our children's lives but God, church, and faith always come first. Only on rare occasions are they permitted to miss their normal obligations at church. We have often patiently explained to coaches, teachers, friends, etc. how things work in our home. And there have been times when difficult choices were made of nonparticipation in something that the child may have wanted to do. It has always been important to us to etch into their lives their spiritual commitments, first and foremost. This teaches the child that God comes first. Is there a greater lesson than that? If a child goes through his formative years learning that spiritual commitments can be set aside for everything and anything, can we really expect them to later make God a priority in their lives? Our children have always been asked to sit attentively and respectfully in church. Even if the meeting is geared primarily to adults, it is important for children to learn reverence and respect for what is transpiring in their presence. We are blessed at EWO with an abundance of age appropriate ministry options for children. But on those times when they are with adults, they should be expected to sit quietly and attentively. We tried to never permit our children to act up or leave their seats for childish reasons (throwing up is about the only acceptable reason!). This teaches the children that discipline of mind and body is necessary. It also teaches a high regard for others who are learning or worshiping God. Granted, this takes effort and patience on the part of parents, but it ultimately benefits the child. I believe in age appropriate ministry, but I also believe children can benefit from seeing how adults relate to God. Remember, your example as a parent, as you model what is and what is not important, is the most telling lesson your child will ever receive. Our children have always been expected to show respect for those in authority. We have especially emphasized this regarding their Sunday School teachers, AWANA leaders, and other leaders in the church. We, first of all, show respect for such leaders by the way we speak of them in the presence of our children. And we have never objected when an adult has corrected one of our children. God knows they probably needed it! We want them to look up to adults and be able to adjust themselves to the leadership of others. This teaches them the principle of following and later they will, we trust, more readily follow Christ. Our children have always been asked to respect church property. Even though our family has "inside" access to church property because of my position, we have tried not to encourage the idea that church property is our property. Rather it belongs to God. It is to be treated with respect. Whether it is the building or some other item, we want them to respect it. This means there is a certain expectation about how they act in the church building and how they care for church property. We haven't always succeeded in keeping our children within proper boundaries but we have been swift to teach and correct them when necessary. This also teaches reverence for God. Have my children always followed these precepts? I would like to say yes. But, no they have not. But I can guarantee you they heard about it when they did not. They also heard plenty of little speeches about these matters. They probably could recite them to you. Like the Bible says, training children to reverence God must be done line upon line and precept upon precept. Raising children to reverence and obey God is not an exact science. Despite our best efforts we can sometimes fail. But I am motivated to give my children the best opportunity to grow into true reverence for God. So we have tried to keep this goal in mind and as consistently as possible follow the practices outlined above. Training a child to reverence God isn't just a matter of teaching them some biblical knowledge. They need to learn to live it and apply it. So along with Bible reading, prayer, our obedience to God, and other aspects of our example to our children, I think some of the practices and expectations I have outlined above help our children to "catch" a very crucial value: respect and reverence for God. |